Contemplation Monday

In many ways I am very lucky to be able to set aside a day just to be by myself, to contemplate where I am in life, how I want to move forward.  This is something I do every Monday.

I take time to meditate.  Do a bit of yoga.  Have a long hot bath and do all those little personal grooming jobs that are easily neglected (hairy legs, I'm looking at you!)

I write in my journal.  Do my Life Organizer.  Consider the issues that are coming up for me that the moment. This is often the time that I realise what is the underlying issue prompting my 'pain of the week' or other physical symptoms I may be having, or even whatever emotion I have been suppressing.

I also try to spend some time outside, because I find that helps to ground me in my body, which is primary trigger for personal growth in my world.

Having a whole day to myself to set my intention for the week, the month, the season, the year, my life, is, I recognise, an enormous privelige.  I wonder if a morning, or even an hour set aside once a week, could be a good habit to develop for you.  A little 'Me' time.  Time to remind yourself who you are and what you really want amidst all the busybusybusy of 21st century life.  I have to say, I find it incredibly helpful, and I highly recommend it.

A Bit of a Review

 As you know, I had made three goals for Dragon Month this year.  Dragon Month ended on Tuesday, 23rd April - St George's Day - which was two days ago, and I have been thinking about how I've been doing.

1. Cutting Down on Sugar

I was getting rather despondent about this because my chocolate addiction has been dogging every step.  Originally we decided to stop eating chocolate, but I just couldn't manage it.  Our regular habit has been to have some chocolate after our evening meal, and we have been enjoying Ritter Sport mint bars, which are dark chocolate squares filled with a white minty fondant.  But it occurred to me that there was probably far more sugar in the fondant than there would be in squares of standard 70% cocoa mass dark chocolate, so we have switched over to that.

Doing this has also made me think about the hidden sugars that I consume.  I do drink squash, Ocean Spray Cranberry and Raspberry cordial to be precise, but its very sweet, so I have been consciously trying to cut down that, only having a glass with my lunch and supper, instead of drinking it in between meals.

I am also shocked by the amount of sugar in the various sauces I use for cooking.  I try to make our main meals from scratch, so that I know what goes into them, but really I am amazed by the amount of sugar and sugar derivatives that go into the odd extras I put in, so I am trying to keep a careful eye on that.

As far as cakes and biscuits go, its a real success story for me!  I haven't bought any, and although we did have some lovely gluten free cake to take home from a dinner party the other night - huge thanks, Jasmin, it was delicious - I am definitely winning on this one.

2. Eating More Veggies

The other day, The Beast arrived.

My dear friend M offered to lend us her juicer.  She mentioned that it was rather complicated, but I didn't expect it to be, well, I can't think of a better word than industrial.

Its so impressive I may have to write it a special blog post to do it proper justice.

We have been eating more vegetables, I have to say.  I have been making soups for lunch, which is a great way to get fresh veg and nutrients inside you in easily digestible form.  I have also been meal planning to take account of eating less pasta and rice (we really don't eat potatoes at all), and it really has made a difference.

One evening, we 'fell off the waggon' and had a chinese takeaway.  Not good.  Up all night with tummy ache.  That was a pretty good incentive to strive for a healthier diet.

I've also been very strict about the gluten-free side of my diet, which I had allowed to slip.  I am not supposed to eat gluten becuase of my IBS, and yes, it does cause me problems.  Now I am off it, I am amazed at how much low grade but constant discomfort I was tolerating just for the sake of a few cakes and doughnuts every now and again.  It isn't worth it, and I intend to keep reminding myself of that in future.

3.  Getting More Exercise

You won't be surprised to hear that this has been my graveyard.  My ME intervened - first I had my period, which always exacerbates syptoms, and leaves me in bed for a couple of days.  Then I had some dental work done, and the injections always leave me feeling weak.  And then my hayfever came on, and like an idiot I took antihistamines, which I had forgotten make me feel like death.  These all sound like excuses, and they are, but ME is what it is, and you can't force yourself to move when there is just no energy in your muscles.  So not much bouncing or stretching has been achieved around here lately.  But I am working on it.  Even if I have to bounce up and down, spraying snot everywhere, for the next three months until my hayfever abates, I am NOT taking those tablets again!

Conclusion

I feel like I have made a big difference so far, even if I haven't done exactly what I set out to do.  My diigestive system is back in good working order again, and that alone has been worth the effort.  It is a sound foundation on which to build.  And I intend to stick with these goals because I think they are the way forward to a healthier future.  I'll keep you posted!

Quote for Today

 "Being positive does not mean being accepting of the negative, or ignorant of the issues, or the world situation, or anything else.  It means seeing the grace in as much as you can see."

Sark, 'Succulent Wild Woman: Dancing with your Wonderful Self'

Dragon Energy Goals for April

Source

 The period from the Spring Equinox (21st March) to St George's Day (23rd April) is a time of rising earth energy, and in some traditions, it is a time of Dragons.  They seem to be popping up all the time for me right now, from meeting new Welsh friends to discovering the marvellous film, 'How To Train Your Dragon'.  I am getting myriad nudges from the Universe to make the most of the Dragon energy that is flowing. 

(If you like your Elements, its a time when Earth and Air meet with Fire and Water in spectacular fashion - April showers are often blustery, and the sap is rising with firey enthusiasm, though here in Britain we are still awaiting the real arrival of anything that could be properly called Spring!  If you are interested, you can read lots more in this excellent book.)

I decided at Equinox that I wanted to make the most of Dragon Month this year.  I want to feel better, stronger, healthier. I talked my plans out with my friend M, who is a trained naturopath, and has the uncanny ability to pick out the places where I am self-sabotaging, and between us we managed to wittle my over-elaborate ideas down to three sensible and doable goals:

1. Cut Down Sugar
2. Eat More Vegetables
3. Get More Exercise

Sounds simple?  Not so.  These are BIG DEALS for someone with my health problems, but the thing is, I feel like it is time.

I've been going on for a while about how I am going through a transitional period in my life.  Changes are happening on a huge scale, from fading parents to financial adjustments and the desire for a new working direction. I'm going to need physical strength as well as mental, to deal with all this.

I'm on the downward slope towards 50 too, and there is no getting away from that fact.  If I don't take action soon, I am going to be facing some serious issues about how well I grow older.  Watching my husband's aunt become increasingly incapacitated through arthritis, to the point where she can barely feed herself, is a sobering look into a possible future for myself.  I don't want to end up like that, and the best way to avoid it is to do something about it now.

So for the last couple of weeks I have been planning and carrying out my goals.  I can't pretend its not hard, especially on the days when my energy is really low.  But I've made it simple so that even I can achieve this.

I'm going to write a few blog posts about how I'm doing this, and how I am getting on, because all the experts say it is helpful to 'go public' with your goals in order to have some accountability.  And maybe you have been thinking about the same issues and fancy pulling alongside.  In which case, let me know in the comments section, and we can cheer each other on!

Give Yourself a Break, Already!

Gorgeous roses at Overstrand Open Gardens, Summer 2012, Norfolk UK.  I think enjoying fabulous flowers should be included in everyone's Life Purpose.

There are lots of self-help books and websites out there that go on and on about Finding Your Life Purpose (and I use the capitals deliberately).  It seems to be the Holy Grail of self improvement these days.  I've spent a lot of time sweating over this one, until it has become one of my OUGHTS.

I know I am a writer.  One of the things I was put here to do is to write, to make the pictures in my head into stories that other people can enjoy.  And I do.

But I am also a butterfly, and Initiator, not a Completer/Finisher, which means I bounce from one project to the next, doing whatever  holds my interest for as long as it does, and then moving onto the next thing, or going back to something I was working on before.  Sometimes this means I don't finish stuff. More often, it means I take a long time.  This is a truth about myself that I am working on coming to terms with.  No amount of discipline has ever worked for me.  So I just have to work with what I've got, accept it, and find a way to use it to my advantage.

I think this is why the whole idea of a single Life Purpose is stressful for me.  After all, if my Life Purpose is to Get that Book Published, what happens when I've achieved it?

This is why this article from Kriss Carr lit up my brain. 

Because Life Purpose is just not that simple.  Life is complex and myriad.  I am still mulling over the jewels contained in this article, but I urge you to take the weight off yourself and read it.  Maybe goals are ok, but fixing everything on one idea for a whole lifetime?  Perhaps thats not for all of us.  Perhaps we are more interesting than that.

Positivity for Breakfast

BBC News 24 Newsreaders Matthew Amroliwala and Jane Hill

Once upon a time, I met a woman who was healing after breast cancer.  Amongst the many really revolutionary things she was doing, she was flooding her life with positivity.  Her method was simply not to listen to the news or read the papers any more.

I thought she was weird.  And naive.  

Seriously, I couldn't imagine how you could survive without BBC News.  CONFESSION:  I am a total news addict.  Breakfast, lunch and dinner, and a bit before bed time, I guzzle it all, even if they do show the same reports in every bulletin.

This week has really brought home what this is doing to me.  The blanket coverage of Margaret Thatcher's death has driven me to depths of psychopathy that I don't think anything else could have.  Whatever you thought of her is not a matter for discussion here.  The point is, do I really need to see continual reruns of the miners' strike and that whole, patronising 'Where there is discord...etc' speech over again, when they both make me want to scream and throw things? I really don't need that kind of trigger all the time.  It's wrecking my blood pressure.  Why am I doing it, I asked myself.

Habit.

(Duh.)

Cue New Habit:

Positivity for Breakfast.

From now on, I am not going to watch the news or look at the BBC News website until the lunchtime showing at 1pm.  (And I'm not going to look at it again until the 10pm slot at bedtime, because how much is it going to change in that anyway?)

Instead, I am going to read a positive, self-nurturing book, write my morning pages, do some yoga, meditation, rebounding (more about that another day), and maybe read some uplifting blogs from the list below.  NO doom and gloom for me in the mornings from now on.  I'm changing my physical diet, after all, so why not change my mental diet?  If I really am serious about flooding my life with positivity, better to be thorough about it.

I'll let you know how I get on...

Renton's Refrain, or How to rant to yourself in a constructive manner

I wish my bathroom mirror was as glamorous as this.  It isn't.

I do a lot of anger in the bathroom.  You know, ranting.  All the snappy retorts I should have come up with, the clever put-downs I should have used on ex-boyfriends and snotty colleagues. The things I really want to say to the people who have hurt me, but never have said and never do.  I don't shout at the mirror, but I might as well.

Lately, my rants have changed in nature.  I've started to refuse.

'I refuse to be manipulated my your childish behaviour.'

'I refuse to allow you to guilt-trip me.'

'I refuse to faciliate your martyr complex.'

That kind of thing.

It struck me today that no matter how positive the desire for self-protection which motivates these refrains is, they are still pretty negative.

Maybe I should try changing my obsessive growls into something more positive, something more affirming.

How about:

I choose calm

I choose radiance

I choose to release outdated behaviours and people

I choose life

(And today I've had Renton's speech from the start of 'trainspotting' going around my head too, which is kinda ironic.)

I found this too, which I might try to incorporate into our home, as a bit more affirmation.  After all, you can never have enough, can you?

Radiator

My husband's colleague says that people fall into two categories:  Radiators and Drains.

Drains suck the life out of you.  They are emotional vampires.  They rarely have anything positive to say, always have someone to blame, and think that the world is 'being done to' them.  They wallow in their martyr complexes and expect you to rescue them from whatever pickle they have got themselves into - which is of course someone else's fault because they are always the victim.  Drains are black holes in human form.  They suck the light from the world, and from everybody who comes into contact with them.

Radiators make you feel better about everything, especially yourself.  They are positive, uplifting company.  They make even your wildest dreams seem possible.  They feed and nurture you, whilst feeding and nurturing themselves.  They fill the world with light and hope.  They always look for the bright side, have a glass half full, sort out their own issues, make an effort, move forward.   They are Possibilitarians.

I was brought up to be a Drain, but thats not my instinctive state.  Its taken some tough training and a lot of long, hard looks at myself when I am being victim-y, but I'm getting better at being a Radiator.

A few weeks ago, I emerged from a period of depression, the worst I've had for some years.  I made the decision to flood  my life with POSITIVITY.

Positivity

Hope

Radiance

Calm

Peace

Possibility

These are the words I want to fill my life with from now on, the change I want to feel.  So I am looking only to hang out with Radiators from now on.  I have little enough energy as it is without letting a Drain leech it out of me.

I feel a bit bad about it.  A bit guilty.  There's a big OUGHT in there for me, that I OUGHT to be helping.  But that's what Drains do, that is how they entrap you into their mesh of victimhood.  So while I am acknowledging the OUGHT, I am not allowing myself to act on it.  I need to do something for me right now, and that means letting go of being with people who sap me of my joy.

I am looking forward to possibility.  I am reaching out for hope.  And I am filling my life solely with people and things that are Radiators.

Jumping Off Point

Setting out on a new road in life

Life feels pretty intense right now.

Maybe its the change in energy that Spring entails.  Maybe its the ongoing transition time I am passing through.

I feel excited.

I feel scared.

I feel old.

I feel inexperienced.

I feel clarity.

I feel muddled.

I have a lot of big plans on the boil at the moment, but they are scary big and I need to gain a bit of confidence in order to get over the fear and start moving, rather than stepping off the precipice into the chasm below.  Micromovements are in order.  Baby steps.  I think this is where it starts. 

I'm trying to get myself back into blogging, into writing once more.  This blog has been through something of a hiatus, and I feel its going to be changing radically in the next few months, moving in a new direction, my companion and my handbook if you like.  I hope that you will join me along the way, and share my journey.

Digital Rest

I spend a lot of time online.  Too much.  Its quite hard to do anything else when you are confined to the bed or the sofa so much, as I have been for the last few months.  Its that or the telly, especially when I find I can't read because my brain can't accept a page of text.

While visiting my mother the other weekend, having no internet connection whilst we were there meant that although I had taken my laptop with me (ostensibly to work), I didn't even open it once.  My husband and I both came home feeling rested.  I felt a clarity that I had not had before, a feeling of knowing who I am that comes from being inside myself, grounded in myself, rather than being in my head, or worse, out there flying about in the digital either.  I'm an air sign so I really struggle with being present instead of going off in my head, making up stories or worrying about things that might never happen.  Slogging all day on Tumblr or various blogs doesn't help.  It just makes me feel inadequate and dissatisfied.

This the the time of year ruled by the element of Earth, a time for grounding and being present inside oneself. Despite being a writer, I'm feeling the increasing need to avoid my laptop.  Any time I spend online makes me feel a bit sick afterwards, as if I've done something disgusting that I'm ashamed of.  If I spend a day without looking at my computer I feel relaxed and productive.   And I actually get stuff done!

I'm going to start treating myself to long stretches of time during the day when I don't go online.  Maybe even have days when I don't check my email or facebook altogether.  The idea feels good.  Optimistic.  Self-caring.

What would your life look like if you had a few digital-free days occasionally?

Dormant or Transitional?

Contemplative moment on Climping Beach, West Sussex, during a calming stay with friends.

This blog has been quiet for quite a while, because I'm not sure where I'm going with it.  In fact, I'm not sure where I'm going, period. 

I'm living through a changing season right now, a transitional time.  Big stuff is happening in my life.  Aging parents, changing work patterns, new health issues, new attitudes, new priorities.

In a few weeks I shall turn 45.  My life and my soul have changed in ways I could never have imagined when I went through the trauma of turning 40.  I always thought my 40s would be my best period, and they are.  But often, things are tough.  Change is never easy, but it is what it is.

Long term planning is now becoming a priority.  So is cutting the crap away.  Being genuinely myself.  Living my dreams instead of continually talking about them and being too scared to do anything about them.  Allowing myself to be creative every day.  Getting out of my own way.

These are all big things, and they take a lot of energy.  Thats how change is.

In two days I am off for a holiday on a Scottish island.  It will be a time of rest and reflection.  I hope it will give me and my husband a break, but also some perspective.  I hope it will offer a time when I can work out where I am going for the next three months, six months, a year, a lifetime. Most of all, I hope I will find some peace there.  And when I come back, there will be lots of pictures to share, and no doubt articles to write for this this blog about the experience.

So stick with me.  Great things will come out of this change, I promise.

Monday Morning Meditation

Picture of Angela's work room by Nester

Its been a tough couple of months, but I am spending today getting my head together, catching up with myself and the house, grounding.  I was pottering about on the internet as I usually do first thing, while I take my homeopathic remedies and lie in bed, waiting for my body to stop hurting (sorry, a bit victimy there, but its true), and I found this wonderful article by one of my fave bloggers, Nester.  Not only are the photos of this wonderful home totally inspiring, and green-inducing lets be honest, the post contained a quote that I've seen often, but never seen bettered.  I love it, and it spoke to me today in a new way.  So here it is, repeated for your delectification and inspiration.  Thank you Nester and Angela:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
–Marianne Williamson

Turning Point

“The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Anais Nin

I can't do this anymore.  I know I've said this a thousand times, but I can't. 

I need to get my life moving again. 

I am riven with anxiety and I need to let it go. 

I am tense as a board.  I need to move my body.

My guts and my skin are a mess. I need to eat in a way that is respectful and energising to my body.

I need to be writing again.  Gods, I need this sooo much.

I need to set boundaries.  In my mind and in my life.  Give myself space to be me. 

I need to learn to manage the commitments I do have to make in a healthier way.

Right now, I hurt all over.  I am angry and resentful.  I am so exhausted I can barely concentrate on the next word, never mind the next sentence.

A friend emailed me this morning.  She said 'I am drinking lots of veggie juices, taking superfood power, napping every afternoon, and I feel much better.'  And I thought: 'Can you send me your programme please, because thats just what I need too.'

I've been through a lot in the last month, emotionally and physically.  A real Dark Night of the Soul.  I need a break.  A big one.  Its time to give myself that gift.

 

Self Care

Quoted from Jennifer Louden's excellent book 'The Life Organiser:  A Woman's Guide to a Mindful Year', New World Library 2007.  I urge you to buy this book and use it.

In Memoriam

Peter Reginald Dimmer

6th March 1929

to

9th July 2011

Beloved stepfather and wise friend.

Iain Banks needs Bigger Trousers

Picture from here

Yes, that is a bit of an odd title, but I really mean it.  Its about idols having clay feet.  Let me explain:

I went to see Iain Banks speaking about his new book, Stonemouth, at the UEA Literary Festival a couple of nights ago.  Now, if you have been reading this blog since its inception, you will know that I am an avid Iain Banks fan.  I adore him.  I have a picture of him as wallpaper on my phone.  Seriously (yes, I know I should have grown out of that, but who does?). 

The thing is, I sat there and listened to him read on Tuesday night, and thought - well, frankly I didn't think anything.  The bit he read from the novel was some dialog from a wedding scene.  It was mildly amusing.  I think he thought it was more amusing than we as listeners did.  But it wasn't anything dazzling.  And he only read once.  Then he talked.  And talked.  And talked.  Most of it was his usual schtick.  I'd heard it before because I've been to see him quite a few times.  He said a couple of things that I thought, 'Ooo, I want to hear more about your opinion on that, its really interesting,' but I quickly forgot what these pearls of wisdom were because all the schtick got in the way and fuddled my brain.

I came out feeling rather disappointed and the only impression I could really summon up was that he needed to accept that the size of jeans he has been wearing since he was twenty are really too small for a man of 58, no matter how slim he is.  Your body changes, Iain.  I don't want to sit there and look at just how much. Its distracting, mate.  In fact, its positively anatomical.  Which is a bit sad, considering he is viewed, on the basis of 'The Wasp Factory' and 'The Crow Road', as being one of this nation's greatest novelists.

Unable to shake the disappointment, I went back his work.  I've read pretty much all of them, though I couldn't get on with the sci-fi stuff - its too 'teenage boy' for me.  At the time I read it, I really liked it.  It inspired me.  Who couldn't love a novel that begins with the line:

It was the day my grandmother exploded.

I always thought 'The Crow Road' was one of those novels I would carry with me till I die, reading over and over again.  Now I look at it and think, 'meh'.

Is it possible to grow out of a novelist? I suppose I grew out of Jean Plaidy and Tom Clancy.  I can't believe I have grown out of Banksie.  I find myself craving more complex prose.  Something more poetic.  Less sensationalist.  I didn't come out of that session at UEA feeling inspired the way I did after I saw AL Kennedy or Jeanette Winterson, only a couple of months ago.  And I want to be inspired now. 

It isn't Banksie that has changed.  He won't change - you can tell that from his trousers.  Its me.

Press the RESET Button

Leek and Potato Soup (Image from Here)

Usually I have a good idea what I am going to say when I write a blog post, but not today, and there is a reason for that.

I've had a cold.

Not your average, runny nose, Nightnurse-doseable kinda cold.  No, this has been like swimming through soup.  Not a nice, clear consomme either.  We are talking leek and potato here.  I've been so ill, I've barely got out of bed for a week and that, even for me, is pretty extreme. I've still got a fruity cough, and a raspy voice so deep I could hire myself out to voice-over action movie trailers, but I think I'm over the worst now.

Being me, I like to look on the bright side however.  And there is a bright side, not least that I actually survived the bloody thing which, at one point, I was seriously praying that I wouldn't!  My brain has turned to porridge, I'm completely disoriented, and I have no idea where I am, not geographically but psychologically.  And part of the recovery process is exactly that - recovering myself.  I've been floating in a sea of greeny-grey guck, blind and deaf to anything but pure 'getting through'.

I've got a few days of silence to come over the Easter period, and being a bit more compos mentis, I feel like I can use the time in a constructive way to ground myself once more in where I am and where I want to be.  Something of a retreat, really.

Sometimes, life forces you to press the RESET button, makes you stop and go back to somewhere near the start, remember who you are and what you want.  And while I would rather not have the hacking cough, I think I'm rather glad to have the RESET button, because it's always good to do a little grounding now and again.

(There, something coherent came out in the wash.  I knew it would.)

Good Day, Bad Day.

Yesterday started off really well. No, wonderfully, actually.  I found out that one of my stories posted on Fanfiction.com had received over 46,000 hits!  I mean, 46,000!  Thats half Wembly stadium!

I was like that ball thing that Will Smith lets loose by accident in 'Men In Black', the one that pings and bounces around the lab at a million miles an hour!  All day I kept catching myself saying '46,000 readers!'.

Lots of other good things happened too.  It was beautifully sunny.  The new digibox was delivered, and its great.  I was well enough to drive myself into Norwich to my counselling appointment, and even do a bit of shopping.  I was so happy.

Then I came home and checked my email.  There was a cruel one from someone close to me.  This person has hurt me badly.  I don't know why.  I tried not to let it spoil my day.  Pat took me out to the pub to celebrate.  I didn't feel much like celebrating, even though I felt like all my hard work has finally begun to pay off, and I can hold my head high among other writers at last.  I don't have to apologise for being myself anymore.  Except to this one person.  I know I shouldn't allow them to get to me.  Partly, it is because I don't know why they are behaving in this way because they won't tell me.  And partly, it is because I just want to be loved - don't we all?

And then I heard the Universe speak.

I was flipping through last weekend's Telegraph magazine and I found this quote from Armistead Maupin:

"My life is full of love; I designed it that way.  I try to make my own experience about love and I look for kindness and tenderness in others...That's the thing I value the most: it will get you through everything."

I can't stop this person behaving cruelly to me.  But I can choose the way I respond.  I can choose to believe the 46,000 readers, and not the one email correspondent.  I can design a life that is full of love.

You might also like to read this from Keri Smith.

Skein

snow geese in flight

This morning I dropped Pat off at the bus stop in the village, and as I was driving back, I saw a skein of geese crossing the sky.  I was on the farm track, so I pulled over and watched.  They were flying in a 'v' shape that undulated and shimmered.  Sometimes they would disappear into the grey sky as they changed direction slightly, and the white tips of their wings showed.  They would jumble up and reorganise.  And flap doggedly on.  They've come so far.  I can't believe they are finally here.  It means Spring is coming.  There is a primrose out in the front garden, and the japonica is covered in fat, blood-red buds.  The world is coming alive again.

My Nieces Love Me!

Yes, I have two wonderful nieces who are not only very talented, but also know and understand me exceptionally well.  Which is presumably why this morning in the post, these arrived:

Amigurumi John and Sherlock by Phoebe Grassby

Made by my nimble fingered niece, Phoebe, here are John and Sherlock, amigurumi style.  I love the way they are wearing little handcuffs, as in the last episode of Season Two - sniff!  You can buy Phoebe's patterns at her Etsy shop here.

And Phoebe's twin sister Amelia is also creative.  And knows me worryingly well.  This is what she sent me for Christmas:

Handmade Benny Calendar by Amelia Wray

 Yes, she made it herself.  It must have taken her ages to write out all the days and draw all those lines, and they are HAND done, no computing here, thank you.

And this is my birthday month.   Of course, what else?

Handmade Benny Calendar by Amelia Wray

Thank you my darlings, you make me feel so wonderful!