Tuesday, 9 August 2011

A New Beginning

Dear Reader,

Well, three weeks spent in Hampshire, looking after my mother following the death of my beloved step-father, sorting out the funeral, keeping going.  I've been home since the 27th July and my head is still a mess.  Everything feels so jumbled.  I can't seem to concentrate on anything, and yet I was so organised and able to concentrate while it was happening.  Now I am all over the shop!  I'm trying to just go with it, to accept that this is part of the grieving process, and this is just what I need, but you know what I am for productivity and getting things done!  I get frustrated.  I want to be back on track, back in the programme.  I beat myself up for not being able to do things, like write this blog.  Its hard to accept that life is just going to be a bit confusing and off piste for a while.

And then I think of my mother, and the fact that she is alone again for the first time in 25 years.  Its grim, at 80, when you are so vulnerable anyway.  And the fact that she has done this once already, after my father died.  I feel for her far more than I feel for me.

So please send her your prayers, or good vibes, or whatever you have spare, and bear with me while I get my jumble in order...

1 comment:

  1. I'm a great believer in getting a jumble down on the page – it does me a lot of good! Don't beat yourself up about not blogging or writing or anything else, Bex – you need to be kind to yourself and give yourself some time. I'm sending you (and your mum) lots of love and best wishes... Amy x