Wednesday, 5 May 2010


(You'll know when I'm in a filthy temper, even if I'm smiling, because I'll be wearing black.  It's my angry colour.)

Evisceration.  Good word, huh?  That's what today has felt like.  Its been a whole pile of shit.  One darn thing after another.  From the bloody peacock screaming under the window at 6.30am, and the roadmenders starting on the track outside the house at 8am, right the way through a whole bunch of upsets, disappointments, annoyances and bothers, to finding the mushrooms that I meant to cook for tea had gone rotten and smelled the whole fridge out, and via a whole load of bollocks in between.  I feel completely cleaned out.  Eviscerated.

But you know what?  I learnt a lot about myself today.  I learnt that its okay to be angry.  That I'm a pretty good shot with a water pistol when I am motivated!  That Wikipedia has proved pretty damned useful to my emotional healing.  (You really want to know how that happened, don't you?  Maybe one day I'll write that self-help book and tell you!) That I am who I am, and life is what it is. That it is important to have boundaries.  And that you can do amazing things with a bit of salmon, some soy sauce and a lime!

So actually, getting to the end of it and sitting down with my journal to write it all out of myself, I find I am feeling better.  We all have days like this, but sometimes it takes a bit of effort to dig out the silver lining.  Occasionally, when something really appalling happens, there just isn't one.  But I reckon about 90% of the time there is one, and that's the lesson.  It is in the looking for it that we become strong.

*Pat just came up behind me, saw the title, and laughed.  'Is this how you are feeling, by any chance?'  I think he thought it referred to what I meant to do to the peacock, which is still screeching outside now, at 9.10pm.  Solutions to the peacock problem on a postcard, please....

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