Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Listen... Can you hear it? That grinding sound?

Doodled Dahlias - this is what I need to do when I'm grumpy
That grinding sound, dear reader, is me grinding my teeth.

I had a big light bulb moment in my counselling session last week, and I am carrying it with me into a new way of being (I hope).  Along with starting a new programme of body awareness as recommended in Jon Kabat-Zinn's wonderful book, 'Full Catastrophe Living' in order to tackle my chronic pain, I am trying to actively listen to both my body and my moods.

So, the grinding.  I get crabby a lot.  And grind my teeth.  I find myself ranting regularly inside my own head.  Recently I have noticed that this rage is linked to frustration.  And it usually goes away when I do something creative.

For instance, yesterday, I was in the foulest mood all day.  By the time Pat came home at tea time, I was ready for a scrap.  But instead of picking a fight with my beloved, I tried to think about what was pissing me off so much.

Turns out, Rebecca was pissed off because she wanted to write, and had been flaking about all day, putting it off.

So I duly sat down to write.  Two and a half thousand words later, and shaking slightly from the release of tension, I realised how much better life can be when I get out of my own way and do what I need to do.

So I am resolved that next time I feel angry, frustrated, grumpy, sad, miserable, weepy, spiteful, snide, or any of the above without reasonable cause, I need to recognise it as a sign that I am stopping myself doing what I want and need to do.  And I will sit down to write or draw.  Something. Anything. It doesn't matter what.  And that crabbiness will go away (because it always does).

So next time you hear that grinding noise, time how long it lasts.  Because that will be how long it takes me to quit punishing myself for wanting to be me, and just get on with it!

1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful drawing, Bex. If it takes you getting cross to get results like that then it's worth it! You'll note my artistic efforts are rather lacking without your help! Xxx